


Time after Time

by alexcat



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/M, First Time, Love, Post-Avengers (2012), Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2020-10-14 19:54:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20606396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexcat/pseuds/alexcat
Summary: Steve and Natasha - their first and last times.





	1. The First Time

**Author's Note:**

> If you're lost, you can look and you will find me  
Time after time.  
~~ Cyndi Lauper

The first time they made love was when SHIELD fell. They were frightened and on the run. 

They had become friends during the battle of New York, though Steve had been moved down to DC soon after. Natasha came to see him fairly often, usually when she’d been called to DC on SHIELD business by Fury or Hill. Sometimes she bunked on his sofa. They ate pizza and watched bad comedies from the eighties. 

Steve liked her from the start. She was tough and made her way in what was still mostly a male dominated world, just like Peggy had. She was often one of the boys and she was forever trying to fix him up. But she flirted with him at times, too, asking him pointed questions about sex and what kind of partners he liked. He figured she was trying to find out if he was gay. 

Then SHIELD blew their world apart. 

Nick Fury had probably set the whole thing in motion when he sent Natasha, Steve, Rumlow, and the STRIKE team to the Lemurian Star to steal data on the ship’s mission. Fury had known that there was more to Project Insight than he was seeing and it bothered him enough to have it checked out. 

That led to Fury’s apparent death and SHIELD’s attempt to bring Steve to their side. Fury had clued him in on Project Insight and he knew something was rotten when Director Pierce tried to convince him that Fury had gone rogue. Steve knew better and so did Natasha. 

They had the flash drive that Natasha had downloaded from the ship and when they tried to read it, Pierce sent Rumlow after them. Natasha, an old hand at spycraft, came up with the idea to kiss Steve as a reverse distraction. 

The kiss might have been simply the first thing she thought of, but it felt like a great deal more to Steve. She had opened her mouth beneath his and pressed her curves against him. Fake or not, his body liked the kiss quite a lot as it responded. He was embarrassed that she felt his interest. 

And that awful conversation about kissing and friendship that they had in the car! 

After they showed up at Sam’s, they needed some rest, food and to get all the soot and smoke washed away. They’d both showered and dressed in some of Sam’s stuff while he ran their clothes through the washer. Sam was a godsend, welcoming them in and helping them without reserve. 

When the time came to try to get some actual sleep, both of them were still so wired that they couldn’t rest. That they would share the bed made Steve a little nervous, too. He wanted her, but there were issues. She was a colleague, but then so was the only other girlfriend he’d ever had. The real issue was that Steve had fooled around with women a little during his USO days, but he’d been too stubborn to ever do more than kiss them and maybe cop a feel of a soft breast or round bottom. He hadn’t wanted to compromise their virtue, he supposed. 

“Steve, you’re not sleeping,” she said to him in the dark of the bedroom. The only lights were the city nights shining in the window. 

“Neither are you.” 

“Duh!” 

“Wanna get up and watch TV or something?” he asked. There was a television in the room.

“Nope. Not what I want. I need to do something more physical.”

“No room to spar here.” 

She turned toward him. “I wasn’t thinking of sparring.”

The tone of her voice was low, husky. He felt it low in his belly and below. “Then what?” 

“Something a little more intimate, maybe.” 

God, she was practically purring. 

He wanted to tell her no and yet, he wanted her so bad that his body was already hard at the thought of her in his arms. He was sure he’d make a fool of himself. He needed to tell her he was inexperienced and he didn’t want her to know, afraid she’d pity him somehow. He didn’t want pity sex. 

He rolled on his side, facing her as well. “I thought you said I needed practice.” 

“I’m willing to practice with you all night.” She laid her hand on his cheek.

“Natasha, I-’

She cut him off with a kiss. It was a short one and when it ended, she whispered to him, “Now is not the time for confessions.” She kissed him again, pushing her body against his. She put her arms around him and pulled him on top of her as she moved onto her back. 

“Ninety-five but so not dead at all,” she said as she felt him hard against her. “Mmmm.” 

He kissed her so he wouldn’t have to answer her. 

“This might work better if we were a little more naked,” she said as she put her hands under his shirt in the back, running them up and down before slipping them inside his borrowed sweats to cup his ass. 

She opened her legs so he fit perfectly between them. 

“Oh, honey, you’re such a horny boy.”

No shit. 

“About the naked thing,” she said as she pushed him off and began to pull the tank top she wore over her head. “Now yours,” she told him as she reached for his shirt. He sat up and helped her remove it, throwing it aside. 

She pushed him back onto the bed and lay on top of him, kissing him again. 

He loved the feel of her warm skin against his. He ran his hands down her back and cupped her ass this time, pushing his hips up to rub himself against her. It was probably a good thing they still had pants on because he was pretty sure all this wiggling and kissing would have him lose control and embarrass himself way too quickly. 

She began to kiss his cheeks and moved down, kissing his ears and his neck. He shivered when she touched sensitive spots with her tongue. He thought he might melt when she flicked his nipple with the tip of her tongue, then sucked it. He arched beneath her as she began to slowly follow the trail of hair down his belly to the top of his sweatpants. She kissed him through the soft cotton of the pants. The sound he made gave her pause. She looked up at his face. 

“Need a moment?” 

He nodded. 

She lay her head on his belly and ran her fingertip over his stomach, drawing invisible designs on his skin. It was only a little less arousing than her touching him through his pants had been. 

“You don’t have to confess, Steve. I know and it doesn’t matter at all to me,” she said as she began to tug at the waistband of his sweats. 

He lifted his hips and helped her remove his sweatpants. He wore nothing under them and his cock was hard against his belly, a few drops of pre-come dampened the skin underneath. He knew if she touched him right now, he’d come. He was so close. 

She moved off of the bed and slipped her own pants down and off. He wished there was a little more light so he could see her better.

Almost as if she read his mind, she said, “Shall we put the lamp on or the bathroom light so we can see each other a little better? I want to see your face, not to mention that ass.” 

Turning on the bathroom light and half closing the door worked out the best. She was already out of the bed, so she did it and then she crawled back onto the bed, lying beside him and pulling him into her arms for one kiss then another and another. 

He pushed her onto her back and began exploring her body as she had his. Her skin was smooth and soft to his touch and his kisses. He wanted her. Now.

“N’tasha, I – I don’t want to wait any longer.” 

She bent her knees and opened her legs for him to lie between them. As he did, she took him in her hand and guided him inside her. He made a sound as he pressed all the way in, something between a sigh and a moan. 

“Mmm, you feel good, Steve,” she breathed as he lowered his body onto hers. 

He couldn’t say anything. He was lost in the warmth of her body. He was almost afraid to move. He knew he’d never last more than a few seconds this time, his first time. The feeling was intense. He looked into her eyes and began to move. 

“Steve,” said again as she gripped his waist with her hands. She raised her legs and wrapped her calves around the backs of his thighs, shifting her position under him just a little. She tightened around him. 

“Oh, god, N’tasha!”

He couldn’t hold back. Pleasure crashed through him, more intense than it had ever been when he’d touched himself when he was alone. He found himself saying her name over and over like a prayer as he spilled himself in her silken warmth. She held him and murmured unintelligible words to him as she ran her hands over his back and shoulders. 

When he could think enough to speak, he knew that she hadn’t come and it must have showed on his face because Natasha reached up and touched his face. “Shhh. Not a word. This is what we both wanted and it’s good.” 

“But -”

“Rest and we can work on me later.” 

He moved off of her lay on his back. Neither of them said anything for a few moments, then Steve reached for her hand. “Um, Nat. I don’t really have to wait if you’re ready.” 

She raised up on her elbow and grinned at him. “Oh?” She looked down at him and saw that he was telling her the truth. She slipped her hand down to touch him. “Do you mind if I get on top this time?” she asked him with a wicked gleam in her eyes.

“I don’t mind in the least.” 

She climbed on top of him and continued his schooling for quite a while longer. He found that he did have limits and a point of exhaustion, but it took most of the night to find that out.


	2. The Last Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The world is in such and mess and they have one last night.

The last time they were together was several years later. 

Thanos had done his worst and tomorrow they would pull what Scott Lang called a ‘time heist’ and get the infinity stones back so they could make an attempt to fix the world. 

Natasha and Steve had been best friends for a long time. They were also lovers when they needed each other. There was no doubt they loved each other, hadn’t been any doubt for a long time. There had been times when he needed space and times when she had, but their love and friendship had endured all the trials they’d been through. 

After things got quiet that night, Natasha slipped out of her quarters and tapped on Steve’s door. He smiled and crossed the room when she came in the door. He wrapped her in a big hug, then kissed her, a kiss as big as the hug. 

He still excited the hell out of her. 

“I came to wish us both good luck tomorrow,” she told him. 

“Hmmm, that all?” 

She playfully shoved him toward the bedroom. He caught her up in his arms as he fell onto the bed. 

“Kind of a strange seduction, isn’t it?” Steve asked just before he kissed her. 

In between kisses, she laughed. “Works though, doesn’t it?” 

“I always want you. You know that.” 

She slid her hand between them and caressed his already hard cock. “I do,” she said and kissed him again, all the while, rubbing him in an up and down motion.

He scooted up onto the bed and pulled her with him. He rolled her over so he was on top. That would change. It usually did. He liked having her in control and she was okay with it, too. She wiggled her hips against him and he groaned. It never took a lot to excite the hell out of him. He was touch starved, she supposed. They both were and that’s why they enjoyed each other so much. They filled the other’s needs. 

“You’re not naked enough,” she told him as she sat up. She scooted back enough to unzip and unbutton his trousers. Of course, he had underwear on, too. She moved off of him and pulled pants and underwear down at one time, tossing them off the bed. He lifted his hips with a grin. 

He was ready. 

She leaned over and licked him, from his testicles all the way up to the already slick head. 

“No time to waste?” he asked. 

She made a sound as her mouth was busy at the moment. She did feel an urgency tonight, but she wasn’t going to tell Steve that. What they were about to do was terrifying. What if one of them died? She’d never feared death; it was part of who she was. She feared losing Steve and she feared the pain he’d feel if he lost her. He’d lost too much in his life already. 

She put all that out of her mind and concentrated on doing the things he liked with her tongue. Soon he was reaching for her. He pulled her on top of him. 

“You’re not naked enough,” he echoed what she had said several minutes before. She wiggled around and got off of him, then removed her pants. She had no underwear. He always found that naughty. It appealed to the old fashioned boy still inside him. As she sat back on top of him, she pulled her shirt over her head and tossed it away. No bra either. 

She rubbed over him, grinding her hips against his cock. He pulled her down for a kiss. 

“I love you,” he whispered as she looked into his eyes. 

“I know.” It had always been the same answer. He’d laughed the first time she answered him that way because he’d just seen _The Empire Strikes Back_. 

She took him inside her. He was big and filled her completely and wonderfully. It was never about the sex itself though. Steve was the only one she allowed to see her heart. Love had always eluded her until Steve. He was relentless. He refused to stop loving her. And she’d learned to trust him and finally to love him as much as he did her. 

He reached for her hands and intertwined his fingers with hers as she began to move atop him. 

“It always feels like the first time,” he said as she leaned down to kiss him. 

She spread her legs wider so she could rub against him as she rode, making it better for both of them. He lifted his hips beneath her, meeting her movements with his own. 

“Come for me, N’tasha!” he entreated as her body began to tighten around him, to pull him deeper. 

It always felt the like the world stopped for a split second before she tumbled into bliss. She held him tight and made it last as long as she could, crying out his name as she did. He didn’t slow at all when she finished. 

He was close. He held her waist in his hands and guided her in the rhythm that he needed and she gladly obliged him, riding him hard and fast until he bucked up hard beneath her. 

“Yes, Steve, yes,” she murmured as he jerked her down hard onto him. She felt him come, felt his body spasm deep inside her as his warm semen spilled into her. To her surprise, he rolled her over and kept thrusting into her. That he could keep going was because of the serum, she knew, but he seldom did it.  
She wrapped her legs around him and looked up into his face as he rode her hard. 

She realized he was scared, scared of what the future would bring. That realization almost brought tears to her eyes. He kissed her, moaning into her mouth as he came again, clinging to her as she did him. 

She lay on her back after and Steve was on his side. She could feel his eyes on her before she looked over at him. 

“We should sleep. Tomorrow is a big day,” she said, reaching to take his hand in hers. 

“I wish I could stay here forever with you,” he told her. 

She turned toward him and held him for several minutes without saying anything at all, then she finally kissed his cheek, then his lips. “You know that you and I are the expendable ones. We’re the ones to make the big sacrifice.”

“I know that, but I hope it doesn’t come to that. I hope it never comes to that,” he told her as she patted his back and held him still. He didn’t say anything at all for a moment then said, “I have a plan that I need to tell you about…”

It was quite some time before they slept.


	3. Beyond Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath.

Steve couldn’t breathe for a moment when she didn’t come back. His heart ached in his chest until he couldn’t figure out why he wasn’t dead already. Natasha had been his lifeline through all the things they’d been through. How could she be dead? 

He mourned her. He would mourn her much more, but there were things to be done and they all moved on in their own fashion. 

The final battle was high in cost, too. They lost Stark, the brilliant mind that made their coalition work. They all came together to say goodbye and honor his memory, then it was back to the work. The stones had to go and the world had to be rebuilt. 

Sam and Bucky understood his pain. Sam had been there when he and Natasha only had one another, those two years on the run after Siberia, when Steve was a fugitive. He’d watched as they became a unit, a pair that worked and loved together. Bucky simply loved Steve with the love of a lifelong friend and hurt for his loss. 

Steve learned to smile a little as time passed. He worked and ate and ran mile after mile, but at night, he was alone. Alone and so lonely. He talked to her, telling her about his day, about the others – Clint’s kids, Tony’s little girl, Bucky, Sam... 

He’d think of the night she told him how the KGB had taken the possibility of motherhood from her in such a brutal way. He knew what a good mother she would have made. She’d have raised children who knew love and tenderness yet knew how to stand up and do the hard things, the right things. Those were the nights he cried himself to sleep. 

Sometimes he cried for a world that didn’t have her protection anymore. 

Mostly he cried because his heart was broken by her loss. 

He knew that loss and grief had become a part of who he was and no matter what, they would always be there. In every smile and every tear and every single beat of his heart, he missed her. 

But Steve had a secret. 

He’d take the letter she wrote on their last night together out and read it now and again. That letter made him smile and gave him hope. 

*

Bruce had finally rebuilt Stark’s machine and Steve had volunteered to take the stones back and replace them. 

Steve called Bucky to come see him the night before and told him that if he didn’t return, that Sam should be Captain America. Bucky agreed. He knew that Steve wanted him to take the mantle, but Bucky assured Steve that Sam was a better fit. Men like Secretary Ross would never allow Bucky to do it. He would be one of the Avengers in another role. 

He decided not to tell Sam, to let Bucky tell him instead when the time was right. 

Steve left with his shield, the stones, Thor’s hammer and Natasha’s letter in his pocket. 

Replacing the stones took a while. 

Returning the Reality Stone to Asgard was easy, for some reason. He met Thor’s mother and she smiled and hugged him. He thought perhaps she knew all before she died that day. He could see it in her eyes. She certainly knew who he was. 

But the others were not as easy. He took the stones back to where they’d been when he and the others had taken them. 

He went back to Camp Lehigh to return the Space Stone. He saw Howard Carter as he managed to return the Tesseract. He peeped at Peggy in her office again and she was still lovely. He wished he could talk to her, but he didn’t. He knew she’d understand. 

He went to New York during the battle and managed to replace the Mind Stone. He stopped breathing when he saw her. Natasha. He almost went to her, but he couldn’t. He had work to do. So did she. 

He met the Ancient One only minutes after she gave the Time Stone to Bruce. 

“Did it work?” She knew who he was, too.

“It did. I need to ask you something,” he said to her after giving her the stone. 

“Yes. The answer is yes.” 

He hugged her and kissed her cheek, leaving her looking surprised, something that seldom happened to her.

Carol had given them a small ship and he’d had it Pymmed so could get to the cave where Quill found the Power Stone and return it to its containment. 

His final destination before going home was Vormir. He stood in the mist and waited for the Guardian. In a few moments, he stood before Red Skull, Johann Schmidt. He was a shadow of himself, a ghost of what he was on Earth. 

“You are still here?” Steve asked him.

“The Soul Stone always returns. It keeps the souls it takes, then it returns here to its home.” 

“Why hasn’t it taken yours?” Steve asked his oldest enemy. 

Schmidt smiled his skeletal smile. “I thought you knew the answer to that, Captain America. I thought Erskine explained that to you.” 

“I’m not sure what you’re getting at,” Steve said, just wanting to go. 

“I am the perfect guardian for the stone, because I have no soul.”

Steve took it from its case. 

“Take it to the edge of the cliff. Hold your hand out and let it go.”

“Is this where she died?” 

“The red haired girl? The Russian? Yes.”

Steve stepped over to the edge, half expecting Schmidt to push him into the abyss. He dropped the stone but did not see it fall. It was simply gone. 

“Now go, Rogers. Finish your mission. I will guard the stone until it hungers for more souls.” 

Steve nodded at the ethereal Red Skull and left. 

*

He only had his shield and the letter left. 

He flew the ship back to the place Carol left it for him and left it for her. He used his GPS to set the time and place. 

*

Berlin was almost home to him. He, Natasha and Sam had spent a lot of time there after Siberia. They’d used it as a base of operations. He and Natasha had lived in a cheap little apartment with only one room, but they’d found love and happiness among the streets of Berlin. 

He checked the back of the letter for an address and got a taxi to a little apartment not far from where he’d live with her. He was nervous, but he knocked on the door. 

“Yes?” She was younger, eleven years younger. It was 2014. “Steve? Did you follow me?”

“Not exactly. Read this.” He handed her Natasha letter. 

“What is this? I don’t remember writing this. It’s my writing though.” 

“Can we go inside? I’ll explain after you read the letter.” 

She nodded and motioned him into the apartment. 

She read it and her eyes widened. “This is true? All of it?” 

He nodded.   
“And you came here?” she asked.

“I had to. You were far away from the others. No one would know.” 

“Will this make some kind of time mess?”

“The Ancient One says no. She is a mystic of time, so I’m going to think she’d know.”

She grinned at him, the same grin he’d seen a million times. “Then what are you waiting for, Mr. Steve Rushman? Want to kiss your wife after such a long separation?”

He took her in his arms and kissed her once then again. “I want to kiss you for the rest of time, Natalia Rushman.” 

She led him into her little bedroom and began to remove his clothes. “You’re a little older, but it looks as if your parts still work,” she teased as he helped her with her clothes. Minutes later, she sat atop him, saying his name in a way he’d missed so very much. 

“I’ve loved you forever, Natasha.” 

“I know. I’ve always known.”

**Author's Note:**

> My [**Tumblr**](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/alexcat45).


End file.
